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Broken-Self
By peace | February 12, 2008
I am Broken This Day
Sin and Broken-Self. That is what Lent is all about this season. I am indeed a Broken-Self. I have too much sins. My dreams even saw that purple colour, priest clothes which Father Terrence wore. How coincident, to have seen Father Terence at the church and wearing the colour purple for the mass, a season to mourn and grief.
Laugh At Myself or Slap Thyself?
This is a great joke of life. I have failed. I am a failure. Can you imagine that? The greatest failure and the greatest joke I had ever made. Should I continue with my belief or should I give up since the route is so tough and it is not easy. People see me with ridicule, people ignored me, people think I am proud or arrogant? I am suffering inside. My heart is deeply cut and broken. It is all my fault, is it not? My fate, my destiny, lies in my hands. Is it not that I had brought all these upon myself today? Had I known God better, had I chosen to seek him first, perhaps I might have a different life today.
Akon-Sorry,Put The Blame On Me
Good become Bad, Bad Become Worse and Worst Become Satan’s Meal
My heart is bleeding. My eyes shed tears, but that is only what you can see. You don’t know my real heart. I tell you and you might not understand, and you might not believe. Don’t need. Don’t need to know and believe. Seeing is believing. Look at my life and you can see. Look at my state and you can know. Blame no one. Sorry, Put The Blame On Me. I had chosen it so. I feel bad, very bad that if I cannot be a good person, how can I be a good parent?
Inaction does not mean NO ACTION
The foundation was laid well. The pillar is slanted. The roof might fall anytime. My hands, the strength of a person, and I am a woman; can it be so great as to hold on to the roof and support the roof everytime? I need rest and I need help too. Who can I trust? All are just humans with imperfections. So I choose to trust God, someone whom I had always wonder who is He and how He looks like and how everybody can seem to know him, and pray to God, someone whom you have no idea at all.
I will Come Back With an answer…
Shall I hold on and stay on to my belief? Am I wrong?
Give Me Some Time…
Too many tests. I had too many. I failed. I need time to think and time to heal. Let me think about it.
Expect No More
Today I am Broken Physically and Mentally. My heart is broken. I shall not blame anyone, but myself. Thousands of words will not heal. Only thousands and millions of work will heal.
Topics: Personal | 6 Comments »
February 14th, 2008 at 4:29 am
[...] these, I am sure everything is working. I may see “Bad” or “Failure” or am “broken”, but things happened for no reasons. Something always come to my mind instantaneously. They are all [...]
February 14th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
[...] Broken-Self | [...]
February 17th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
[...] her, but stress, too much stress in life. Quited, finally quited, plucked up my courage, after nature’s call. I cannot say “Yes” to anything. I need to say “No” to things which I have [...]
March 5th, 2008 at 3:40 am
[...] I was broken and what my dream ‘told’ me had come true — though the dream was not same but it symbolizes. What I saw in the dream, the colour, was actually turned out to be same as in my dream — Purple! Father Terence dressed in Purple! This happened on the First week of Lent, the first Saturday of Lent where I attend church, and I saw it. I was filled with ‘unexplainable’ bewilderment and awe. I dreamed of him and he was there, dressed in Purple, the colour of Lent! I never understand why Blood is something used to atone for sins. Now I understand, and I believe blood can atone for one’s sins. [...]
March 6th, 2008 at 10:31 am
[...] I have premonition, bad feeling that something would happen). Things happened, and I was utterly broken. It really [...]
July 30th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
[...] these, I am sure everything is working. I may see “Bad” or “Failure” or am “broken”, but things happened for no reasons. Something always come to my mind instantaneously. They are all [...]